I BLUR photos, BLURT my thoughts, feelings, secrets and it is my BLURB!
Words and photos by Kensaku Shioya 写真家・塩谷賢作のブログ


Unromantic breakfast

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Although I am a night bird, my most favorite time is when I wake up in the early-morning naturally. I am like a silent bug with an ordered mind lives in a bed and the very private moment is for rumination of dreams, purification of romance and pleasure, and libration of thoughts and passions. Therefore, I am out of any creative activities in the moment and I cannot be bothered to make breakfast.
In recent days I am comfortable with being a morning person. I stayed at my friend’s place in Vilnius and woke up around 6am. However, my appetite instinctually interfered with such precious moment. She also woke up with hunger. Searching foodstuff and cooking at other people’s place is an adrenaline but… the results of unmotivated overtime work were cheese omelet, salad with smoked tuna, yogurt, toasted bread, pears and herb tea.
Breakfast in bed is not romantic for me at all. Moreover, sensation of fullness takes me to dreamland again. Nevertheless, in the edge of abyss, I was imaging the photos of her – appendicular movements, flow of long black hair, marble, petals in the water, lip rouge, needles…

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 17:29:48 | 日記 |


Sadistic chemicals

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I got my hair cut short on Saturday, I look much younger but my eyes became aggressive. My apartment owners invited me a small party at their place and they served me alcohols, Lithuanian cuisine and a lot homemade apple sweets and hams. They opened an old bottle which was given by their friends about 25 years ago. The ginseng liquor was made in Kesong, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and we talked about logistics in the former Soviet Union. I was happy to taste and given my favorite revitalizer I can hardly obtain here.
I was also given 2kg of protein powder by Marius, the president of Titanas Gym ( as a Christmas present. The white powder also makes me feel brutal. It is must that I start Muay Thai training there as soon as possible.
It is time to say good night to a bottle of tranquilizer which contains silver vine because I prefer sadistic state of mind.
Titanas Gym (の代表Mariusからも、クリスマスプレゼントとして2kgのプロテインパウダーをもらった。この白い粉も獰猛な気持ちにさせる。早くジムでムエタイトレーニングを再開しなければいけない。

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 5:00:35 | 日記 |


Crucify my love

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Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
“That love should see a color”
Crucify my love
If it should be that way
“Crucify My Love” – Song by X JAPAN
“I am afraid of losing the lives of my own things even my hair. I am so afraid…”
In the winter of 1995, Mayumi was crying for a dying life she could never save and cursing at her fate. Her waist-length black hair showed her time of pain. She was singing the song every time she looked in to a mirror in a dark bathroom. She could only accept cigarette, canned coffee and I was just like a match flame for her. I remember that I broke our friendship and left her alone with an inhuman behavior when she has been informed a very sad fact.
And now I am the one standing in front of a mirror in my bathroom. Wearing (accessories, hair-style) also means exhaust and it makes us passive unconsciously. I will have my hair cut and my reset and reshape would be completed.

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 8:26:54 | 日記 |


Trapped in limbo

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“What is the color of your mind now?”
“Dark grey.”
“How do you feel of it?”
“Nihilistic, empty… I feel like I am a ghost, my mind is out of my body and trapped in limbo in dual-mirror.”
“What do you want now?”
“I guess I want something to fill the emptiness up. What about a blue lizard with a skinned tail? It wants to veil the skinned tail with a lethal fragrance…. like an aconite perfume.”
I have heard a voice of an old lady asking me questions in my restless sleep. Insomnia, anorexia, nihility. I went to a Mass at a church in Vilnius on Wednesday night and was sitting with exhausted tired body and hazy mind. I was an unbaptized outsider but used the time for meditation. In the dark and silence I was facing my emptiness in mind and thought of M who has passed away three month ago and other people I lost. Limbo also means oblivion and the Mass was just for it.

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 7:41:16 | 日記 |