I BLUR photos, BLURT my thoughts, feelings, secrets and it is my BLURB!
Words and photos by Kensaku Shioya 写真家・塩谷賢作のブログ


Foggy purple

foggy purple

I am staring abstractedly at the town from the tenth floor.
I am waiting for the sound of rain hitting the roof.
I am eating a bowl of shark fin soup.
I am getting bored with a noise of refrigerator motor.
I am thinking about humidity here in my new nest.


posted by Kensaku Shioya at 0:59:35 | 日記 |


Reminiscent voices

reminiscent voices




“For oblivion after your birthday… Sincerely, G”
I received a small box from G, a friend in Hong Kong. There was a small pill bottle inside. The curious liquid tranquilizer smelled like burnt bones, looked like condensed rain cloud and tasted like rotted goat milk. It was suggested that I should take a tea spoon of the medicine before sleep. In the morning after the first trial I woke up and continued listening to who I met in a dream. Y, my father and S… I could hear their voices clearly as they were lying next to me, and everyone was much talkative than I know. Y’s voice was attractive again as same as I was with her 20 years ago and she said she still wears a perfume “Nina”. My father came up and told me a story of his memories with his pet deer in his teenage life in Manchuria. Suddenly S’s merry laughing voice appeared, she explained my father and me that I am too strict to myself and need a family to be with in my life. I wished I were with a small cat right at the moment then I heard crying of a cat for a long time. Unfortunately I did not have a language skill to understand what it said. The sky was blue and sunny beyond the window and I remembered I was living with the cat when I was 6 years old.

In the second morning I spent time with an American porn star that was killed in a traffic accident, a president of an elevator company, an ash tray seller and a she-male dancer. They asked me to go out together to my favorite bootleg CD shop in Fukuoka city. What cheerful idiots! Here came dogs I used to have and the party became much more loud and noisy. The lovely bitches of my own were too happy to meet me again and could not help barking and squirting. I was staring at dim light beams on the wall and my palm while I was hearing their voices. I found I have got internal bleeding in my palm almost disappeared. I also have got my eyes tired from the moonlit brightness of the room even it was still with the darkness of the night, and I felt my skin was so sensitive with breeze from windows.

In the night of the third trial, I gazed at the gray liquid on a silver tea spoon. Because of what I experienced in the last two days I thought this contained some heavy metal or a new type virus similar to rabies. I swallowed the pretty poison and fell into asleep. In the dream I was talking to L and eloquent of classical music I sometimes listen in my dreams and how they were marvelous. I am not so familiar to the kind of music and do not have knowledge but I was sure the music were completely original made inside of me. I woke up and it was L’s turn to talk to me, right next to me in the dark bed room. I was listening to L’s talking in his low voice about absolute zero temperature and a chocolate contains dry hawthorn. L asked me if I ever tried a floating (isolation) tank or not, and he hinted that the time in a bath tab with no light was my primal experience of it. I wanted to take another tea spoon of the tranquilizer and my palm crawled around my bed. It finally reached the tea spoon but the bottle. I grabbed the tea spoon and tried to remember people I heard the voices in order. I was still in bed and tranquilized in the day time, and the potion vanished. I thought one of the voices took it away and G was not longer in Hong Kong. G must have been a missing person again as usual.




posted by Kensaku Shioya at 10:11:54 | 日記 |


“Vice Blood”

vice blood




 Vice was sleeping in a basket. The tiny soft-charcoal colored finch was sold to a man by a black-market broker. The man brought Vice to his place and started feeding fresh eggs to the baby creature. When he prepared the feed he always cut his finger with a sharp knife and mix blood in it. After Vice became mature enough to fly, he let vice out from a cage and live in his bedroom every day. He liked the room vaguely smelled of feathers and excrement which was like liquid incense. It was certain that he was scared of sleeping lately even he liked very thoughtful moments after waking up. He kept dreaming interesting and well but after woke up he sometimes thought of past in real life and it made him depressed. So that he did not want to sleep and encounter such moment. The aroma of the bed room helped him being content and insomnia.

In addition to flying practice, Vice was given opportunities of feeding itself. At first the man obtained a new-born canary from a pet shop. A previous owner put the 2 week old bird on her palm, the bird suddenly tried to fly but failed. It fell on to floor and hit its head hard. She was not interested in the canary with brain contusion and paid extra to the pet shop to have another mature one as exchange. The defective canary was twitching and not able to walk normally. In the cage for training Vice repeated flying on and leaving from the nonresistant animal, then its sharp and hard beak got bloody. Secondly, he left a small egg in a cage and Vice spent a long time to break the shell. Later, he also fed some mouse (both alive and defrosted) but he found that Vice eats only bird blood and eggs.

Vice was a successful experience of aviculture of rare species. The man thought Vice was well friendly to him any time. Vice liked to perch on his finger, make it wounded by its strong beak and suck blood directly. It was the only exceptional of what Vice ate. Another remarkable fact was that Vice protected and warmed an unfertilized egg. Therefore, according to some skeptical results of inprinting, it was possible that Vice could identify her symbiont and targets. This optimistic and unscientific research and results were good enough for the end of this stage of his preparation, but he had no relationship in ornithological studies and movement to protect gems of bird life.

The man put Vice in a cage most of the time with a lot of feed and she produced much rich excretion. He named this water soluble paint “Vice Blood” with unknown dark puce color, and spent 7 month to draw an abstract picture. Vice’s feathers were also mixed and used for stereoscopic effect and feeling of vitality. “Vapor Void”, the picture with author’s blood signature was put in the basket and left in the empty bedroom, as same as Vice was sleeping there before.




男はViceを鳥籠の中に長時間入れておくようになり、Viceは上質の排泄物を多量に出した。男は、見たこともない暗蚤色をしたその水溶性の絵の具を「Vice Blood」と命名し、七か月かけて一枚の抽象画を描き上げた。Viceの羽毛も立体感と生命感を出すために混ぜて用いられている。作者の血の署名が入ったその作品「Vapor Void」は、籠の中に入れられ、何も残っていない寝室に置かれていた。かつてViceがそこで眠っていたように。

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 21:44:26 | 日記 |


Alone in the mirrors

alone in the mirrors 1alone in the mirrors 2alone in the mirrors 3




There is a mirror which shows cold fire in it. An indigo flame burns sunshine out. What a bloodless bloodlust.

There is a mirror which shows a disappeared actress in it. She applied deadly poisonous acid to her face and mistakenly damaged it fatally. Immature ones cannot notice her hidden fatherly affection.

There is a mirror which shows a tiny crab in it. The innocent crab plays in sanctuary. It meets the real world with its sudden crying.

There is a mirror which shows a large bath tab in it. A piece of cherry tree fossil is floating on warm water. It is a symbol of the guilt for dreaming.

There is a mirror which shows an eccentric tiger in it. He roars so loud and eats an old snake. His absolute love protects and hurts all.

There is a mirror which shows another mirror in it. The two mirrors provoke emotions and merged in everlasting and endless reflections. It is the proof of reason for existence of the mirrors.

And, there I am, alone in the mirrors.








posted by Kensaku Shioya at 15:31:45 | 日記 |


Waterplay therapy

waterplay therapy 1




waterplay therapy 2




It is not sure if there is waterplay therapy acknowledged and treated same as sandplay therapy in the world. Toys on the sand look active and things in the water act like being buried at sea. So I have put my own things into my favorite glass – everything was not clean. There were tea-stained tea spoon, rose leaves, black currant but they were not chosen and got sunken in the glass. I do not make any diagnoses by myself. Moreover, there are no therapist / people who think about it around me.


posted by Kensaku Shioya at 0:45:57 | 日記 |


Linger on…

linger on...




Listening to “Pale Blue Eyes” by The Velvet Underground…

The Velvet UndergroundのPale Blue Eyesを聴きながら・・・

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 7:05:43 | 日記 |







Although he did not remember what he has dreamed, he had a feeling of lack. He woke up with sleepy head, turned the pages of his “dream – diary” and there was nothing to write down. Took a shower, dried his spiky short hair, opened a makeup box and then he was a she. He was walking around an X-rated movie theater as his work on alternate days. Taxi drivers saw her on the street and were afraid they encountered the angel of death at dusk.

On a shabby carpet in a gloomy tiny room, a fat lad was kissed roughly by her and felt like he has got his face sandpapered. “Are you a man?” She only smiled and kept her mouth barely opened in the shades of her long brown hair. He stopped thinking and asking what will happen next.

“Do I live free? Hmm, People want to live free like a bird but I know it is totally nonsense. If I were a bird I always would have to feel my body temperature, eat ugly worms and travel a lot… so disgusting! I would rather be a butterfly with big and grace wings… eating sweet flower syrup and moving to places with lights all the time. We do not have to think how to live free if we are so.”

It was smoky in a taxi. He noticed that the taxi driver was silently laughing at him. He remembered that his grandfather taught that a butterfly lost its legs is no longer diurnal. He was not interested in what she lost but wanted to lick again her very thin rib bones like nervule. He was still tasting her floury skin in his mouth.





posted by Kensaku Shioya at 6:38:13 | 日記 |


“Lunatic Stage”

lunatic stage




In the late night, I listen to the voice of the actors on a “Lunatic Stage”. In the time of awakening, I watch the plays of the actors in my dream. I am lack of equilibrium but I feel I got my sense of smell recovered a little. I am thinking of the faces of others.

夜遅く、「lunatic stage」の役者たちの声を聴く。目覚めの時、夢の中の役者達が演じる様を観る。感情が均衡していないが、自分の嗅覚が少し回復してきたのがわかった。他人の顔についての考え。

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 1:31:52 | 日記 |


Missing link

missing link




Here in my blog I did not want to write about anything happened in Japan while I was there. My deep thoughts are aimed on reality and fiction, listening to chill out music and Iggy Pop and I have been talkative but silent in mind… is it an approach to myself like dissociative identity disorder? The missing link between those extreme opposites is buried in words – as I write. Write, write, write… that is the other side of me.

日本にいる間、このブログに現地で起こったことをあれこれと書き記すことはしたくなかった。深い思慮は現実と虚構に向かい、チルアウトミュージックとIggy Popを聴き、あれこれと口を開くが内心では沈黙している・・・これは解離性同一性障害のような自身への接触なのだろうか?これらの対極的な物事の間にある「失われた鎖」は、「自身が書き連ねる」言葉に埋葬されている。書いて、書いて、書いて・・・それがもう一つの自分。

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 3:36:15 | 日記 |



塩谷賢作写真集「See-through Chrysalis」販売関連イベントのお知らせです。 


日時: 5/1(日)・5/8(日)両日共に15:00~18:00
会場: カフェレスト カズン 〒111-0032東京都台東区浅草1-41-8
電話:  03-3842-3223


2.北欧文化協会 五月例会

講演: 「蛹(さなぎ)の中で-リトアニアで暮らす日々」 “Being in a chrysalis – Life in Lithuania”
講師: 塩谷 賢作(写真家、UAB Studio Aika, Vilnius代表)
日時: 5/6 (金) 19:00~21:00
会場 京橋プラザ区民館
・中央区コミュニティバス(江戸バス)北循環28番 新富区民館バス停 または 北・南循環1番バス停中央区役所バス停 徒歩5分
・東京メトロ有楽町線新富町駅下車2番出口 徒歩5分
・都営地下鉄浅草線宝町駅下車A1番出口 徒歩5分,0,5654684783984509851&ei=7RatTdjkHYPksQPomtjGCQ&sa=X&oi=local_result&ct=image&resnum=6&ved=0CEMQnwIwBQ

参加費  非会員 1000円(学生 500円)/正会員 無料

posted by Kensaku Shioya at 14:08:46 | 日記 |